Can there be a rulebook to parenting?
Can there be a rulebook to parenting?
Introduction
Parenting is a process of encouraging the physical, social and intellectual development of a child from the time of its birth till its adulthood. Besides the biological parents, the most common caretakers of a child can be his or her elder siblings, grandparents and family friends. To orphans, parenting can be given by anyone who might even not be related through blood. Parenting depends on several factors like income of a family, social status, culture, etc.
“A rule book to parenting” can be defined as a set of guidelines which are to be followed while raising a child. The way a child behaves in the society is the output of the parenting process. Let us take a look on whether there should be a rule book to be followed for the process of parenting.
Yes- A rule book is necessary for parenting
1. A new start: For couples who become parents for the first time, it is necessary to follow a rule book to parenting because they are taking up a new role with high responsibilities.
2. Better informed : The parents should have a good knowledge about how to bring up a child. They should be aware of the dos and don'ts.
3. Importance of time : In today's world, both the husband and the wife are working. They face the problem of spending some quality time with their kids. A rule book can teach them how to adjust the time and spend a good amount for their kids' upbringing.
4. Keep an eye : It is necessary for the parents to follow a rulebook of parenting because they should learn how to monitor their kids and keep track of their actions.
5. Helps in socialising: – A rule book tries to impart basic manners to the kids through the parents and helps them get socially sound. For example, kids should be taught when to say “thank you”, “excuse me”, “pardon me”, etc.
6. Healthy communication: – A rule book teaches parents about how to create a healthy communication with their child. The child should feel comfortable to approach their parents with any topic.
No – Parenting can't be a recipe.
1. Not a recipe – The process of parenting is not a recipe that it needs a rule book to be followed. It is a natural phenomenon. Parents should be natural while rearing their kids instead of following guidelines mechanically.
2. Different styles – Each parent follows a different style of parenting. There is no one, particular way. The style may change according to the age or the behavior of the child.
3. Parents are not the police– Kids will not be comfortable if their parents are too strict. Instead of getting scared of their parents they should be able to look up to them with affection and respect.
4. Friendly relationship– When parents do not follow a rule book the parent-children relationship becomes naturally friendly. The children feel free to talk with their parents regarding any issue or topic. Following a rule book will make it robot-like.
5. Live the rules – Parents should not make their kids follow the rules. They should teach their kids to live the rules like learning to use the words “thank you” or “please” in their daily life.
Conclusion
At times, following a rule book may create a sort of distance between the parents and their children. Instead of following a rule book, conduct family meetings frequently which may reduce the risk of distance or any sort of fear among the kids. Try not to get the rules in your way of parenting as much as possible. Else it may affect your relationships.
Discussion
- RE: Can there be a rulebook to parenting? -Deepa Kaushik (12/29/14)
- Each individual is unique and so is each child. There can be some common advise and precautions which can be generalised and provided for those who are about to experience parenting or undergoing that stage of life by those who have experienced this and by professionals. There are several books and online discussion threads available on the topic, but I must understand that you cannot predict a child’s action; however one can consider what others have done is similar situation and use that knowledge in own life.
A rulebook refers to set principles to be applied without deviation, but as one cannot predict a child’s action & reaction, while the parents can read the rulebook – they cannot expect the child to read & understand it; therefore one cannot expect the child to abide by the principles laid down in the rulebook. As newton’s law goes “to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”, but in reality no one can predict the reaction of a child to every action taken by parents or environment.
It would be no fun either, if there is a rulebook which parents & children abide by, consider a world where an infant knows exactly when to take feed, how to take feed, how to use the washroom, do no mischief, be disciplined (like a soldier), be conscious of what they eat, drink etc… How would be the parents experience, how would they feel about it. Not sure about everyone but if my kids like that then I would probably be sad. There can’t be any rulebook for the child or parents. Let the child play and imbibe nature in its own way.
