Poor board exam results - Your child needs "You" the most!

Poor board exam results – Your child needs “You” the most!

It’s that time of the year when results of board exams are being declared and studies have found that a surprisingly large number of students are more worried about how their parents will react rather than worrying about what their scores will matter to them. The pressure to please parents and society is good for some who work harder and come up to the expectations of their parents, bragging scores above 90%. But what about the average and below average students? They either stress about the whole thing which can get in the way of their performance and when the D-day approaches, they steal from the judging glances of parents to find solace elsewhere.

Head bowed down in shame and watery eyes, hardly expecting support from parents is a heartbreaking sight. Parents hate to see their child like that too. But they feel that there is nothing else to do when your child has let you down in front of friends, family and neighbors. Chiding them and telling them all wrong things at this time is a really bad thing to do. This is the time when your child needs your support and assurance. No one else can do this but you.

1. Know that it is not the end of the world: First you need to realize and understand that low scores in board exams is not the end of the world. And then you need to make your child feel comfortable enough to share his grief with you. He is worried too – stressed and anxious beyond his willpower to tell you how miserable he feels to let you down. We don’t advocate that you spoil your little brat by congratulating him no matter what and giving him extra pocket money to enjoy and feel good. What we mean is that you need to assure him that you are there with him and not against him all of a sudden because he did not do well.

2. Decide what you want to pass on: If you are hopeless and positive even after your child did not do very well in his board exams, remember that you are passing that on to your child too. The same goes without saying that your anger, hopelessness and shattered dreams also pass on to your children in that moment. The students see their parents despairing over their results and immediately realize that he/she is the reason behind his father or mother’s disappointment. This can cause serious depression issues in your child who will want to try all sorts of ways to end the repressive feeling. This is the time when students go astray and make bigger mistakes that leave the parents shattered and wondering where their parenting skills go wrong. Along with the board result news, it is very shocking and sad to see the number of suicide cases in students who failed or did not do well in exams.

3. Let your child know that you mean well when you scold: It could happen that some children are negligent in studies. They might not have worked hard or were lacking concentration, getting diverted interests during exams and the parents know that. However, you are supposed to make your child understand first that you mean well and all you care about is the future of your child and not what the neighbor will have to say about the bad result of your child. It is important that you make him realize his mistake and point out the things he must have gone wrong during the board preparations but you also need to comfort and console him, give him confidence that at the end of the day you are both going to work it out together and find a way.

4. Do not compare: It doesn’t help. It never had and it never will. Think of how you would feel when your child compares you with the parents of his friends who might be more knowledgeable and helpful in their child’s studies or if they are rich enough to secure a seat for their child in a reputable college despite his not so good results. It does feel bad, doesn’t it? Children also hate it when their parents compare them to other children. It is like feeling worthless and unwanted. You love your child no matter what. You don’t love and care for the boy who topped the CBSE with 98%. You still love your own child despite his bad scores. He is supposed to know that and it is you who could tell him that. He is not going to figure that out on himself, especially not with you going all praises for Sharmaji’s Son and Shuklaji’s daughter.

5. Talk to your child about career counseling: Results are out and final. There is no use despairing about it and giving sleepless night to the whole family including you. Think of what could be done now to rectify the situation and bring in hope for your child. Career counseling can be a good way to determine where your child’s true interest lies and what he is strong at. Get rid of the stereotypes if you have any. It is not only science students who have a promising career awaiting them. Students of arts are also equally and sometimes more successful than engineers and CAs. Let your child go where his passion takes him. Be with him and assure him that you believe in his dreams and aspirations. Do not listen to your relatives and force your child to undertake a certain course or stream that your child doesn’t what to do. Let him make his decisions but be there to support him. He might make mistakes but he has to learn from them.

6. Get over it:Our Indian parents have an annoying habit of making the board results seem like the ultimate judge of our life, career and future. Whenever the child stumbles upon a problem, at least one of the parents (mostly the father) will be there to tell him/her that it is all because he did not do well enough in his boards that he has to face all sorts of problems. This doesn’t help. The child begins to feel that he would not be able to have a normal life just because he flunked his boards. Once you have made your child realize his mistake, learn to move on from it. Don’t keep on bringing it back again and again.

7. Encourage: Out of all the people in the world, your child wants to hear that he could still do well only from you. It is only you who can encourage your child that there is still so much to explore. Take interest in his interests and together explore new career options for him. Tell him that it is okay and you are going to be happy if he does well in any field of life, just as long as he work hard towards his goal and give him his 100% towards whatever he wants to achieve.

8. Take care of your child: Take care of your child at this crucial hour. Ensure he is having proper meal at times and talking normally to people. Make sure he keeps himself hydrated and sleeps well for at least 8 hours. If there are signs of depression, get him psychological counseling and any help that you could. Provide him the much needed comfort of family and home and you both are going to come out of it and do something good about his career and life.