Pros and cons of shared parenting after divorce

Pros and cons of shared parenting after divorce

Indian law commission has recently initiated a study to frame guidelines for joint custody of children and shared parentage after divorce. The decision of this law shall be finalized by January and submitted to the government to bring in appropriate amendments in the laws concerned by the budget session next year. US, Canada, Australia, UK and many other countries have been following this system but India is new to it. Let’s consider the pros and cons of shared parenting.

Pros of shared parenting:

1.Complete share of love for the child: For the best development of the child, both mother and father play their individual role and the involvement of both is equally important. Child gets to share time and have the company of both the parents without fear or restriction. This shapes the personality of the child without any negative influence from the separation of the parents. Child feels equally comfortable being with both the parents and shares quality time and emotional connections with both.

2.Keeping conflicts aside: When both the parents have equal legal rights over the child, they no longer need to keep the conflict triggering them to fight. Whatever the reason for divorce may be, they can still cooperate and help in better parenting of the kids with shared parenting. With better cooperation, there shall be no hatred shared and the kids will not have to deal with the bitterness that usually follows separation.

3.Stress of separation: When either one of the parents move out after separation, the kids go through traumatic stress and since they are usually not mature enough to understand what led the parents to make them go through those situations, they start blaming one of them. This situation can be avoided to a great extent when children have access to meet and talk to both the parents.

4.Importance: Neither of the parents can take the place of the other in the lives of their children. A child needs the support of mother and the care of father to develop as a normal child would – without any harsh feelings and regrets of losing one of the parents.

5.Sharing responsibilities: With the system of shared parenting, both parents get to share the responsibility of raising the kids which can be tough for a single mom or dad. Be it emotional support or financial support, the child feels free to ask both the parents.

Cons of shared parenting:

1.Moving is not fun always: The children will have to keep moving from one parent’s place to the other, constant moving is not fun and can be distressing as the child grows older. It can lead to stability issues and the child might not prefer staying with one of the parents for the simple reason that they might not like their place more than the other parent. Their education, social life and concentration level can also suffer in this process.

2.Psychological impact: Not every child is the same as the other. Some children are more close to their mothers or to their fathers and even the short span of time they have to spend away from them can disturb them to a great extent. Shared custody should only be considered after having studied the case thoroughly and also the will of the child should be given importance.

3.More chaos: Separation or divorce has to be followed by moving on in life, leaving behind the harsh times they would have had to through earlier. Sharing the custody of the child brings them to face each other more often than they want to. This can sometimes lead to more fights and blame games which makes the children suffer ultimately.

4.Confusion: The fact that their mother and father have to get separate is already a confusing matter for most children below the age of 15 and to add to that shared custody can worsen the situation where the child does not understand why the parents had to move out and then back in a stranger way.

Conclusion:

Divorces and separations and have different reasons behind them. Only after thorough consideration of all the reasons, the problems each of the parents have with the other, and the child’s will, the decision of shared custody should be made. Laws must not make it compulsory for all parents to share the custody of the children after divorce. There should be a good balance of willingness and stability for the child in the process for a separated couple to opt for this system.