Self-respect marriages should be made legal everywhere in India

Self-respect marriages should be made legal everywhere in India

Introduction:

When self-respect movement stirred in India and people started realizing their rights over the walls of caste and class created by the religious heads, one of the sociological changes came in the form of self-respect marriage system. According to this system, “marriages could be conducted without being officiated by a Brahmin priest.”

It has been forty-seven years since Tamil Nadu became the only state to legalize self-respect marriages and continues to be the only one. Recently, we heard that Madras high court ruled down on claims to make self-respect marriages illegal.

E V R Periyar founded the movement and his words to shun conventional marriages were loud and clear. He called for simple ceremonies in the presence of family and friends instead of the big feast pulled out during Indian marriages. PILs were filed that claimed conventional traditions to be of importance in a marriage which was ruled out by High court. Isn’t it about time that we make self-respect marriages legal in the whole of India?

For:

1. The chief reason behind the shunning of the conventional system of marriages was to stop discrimination of superior and inferior as laid down by the caste system which is still practiced in some places where people of some castes are not allowed to take part in religious activities that includes the involvement of Brahmin priests. Inter-caste marriages are still not possible in some regions and too much fuss is created by religious heads. Legalizing self-marriages would solve this problem to a good extent.

2. Marriage is all about two people tying the knot to be together in sickness and in health and it doesn’t matter how people go about taking vows. It is all about the choice of the two people on how they want to do it – conventional or the simple and modern way. Holy fire, seven steps, mangalsutras and the vows spelt in Sanskrit hardly understood by the couple should not be made mandatory if the couple is not wanting to go through it.

3. Rituals practiced in conventional marriages are mostly blind adherence practiced since ancient days and continues to be followed only on the grounds that their ancestors followed them. Too many rituals and customary practices are not very much accepted to the modern generation that seeks meanings and reasons in every practice. Some priests refused to conduct marriages of widows which gave birth to the practice of marriages without the involvement of a priest.

4. According to the bench that heard the PIL, “the Hindu religion by itself is pluralist in character and thus various forms of marriage traditionally exist depending on the area and the custom prevalent therein. The self-respect marriage provision inserted in 1967 has also stood the test of time, now for half a century.” This only brings out the fact that the decision to legalize self-respect marriage was a good one and must be implemented in other regions of the country.

5. There are rituals in the Hindu marriage system that are said to objectify women. “Kanya Dhanam” is one such ritual where a father gives away the girl to the groom, thereby giving him the protective custody of the girl. This is seen by some as making the girl an object to be donated. Mangalsutras are shunned by modern women who are not completely against the system by the binding nature of it. Women do not want to be compelled to wear the piece of beaded thread as a recognition of her bond with the husband. She doesn’t want people to make it obligatory mark of her marriage.

Against:

1. Our society has followed these rituals and customary practices in marriages since long and to ask them to give up on their long followed traditions is way too much to ask of them. People who are happy with the conventional system have passed on the legacy to their descendants who still find it difficult to embrace modern marriage system with fewer people involved. Even this generation wants to keep a balance between what they want and what the elders in their family want. Legalizing self-respect marriage would only create a drift between the two.

2. Mangalsutras are also not being made mandatory after marriage. Women have the choice whether or not to wear it. Similarly, meanings of the Sanskrit vows are being explained in simple words these days which removes the doubt of blind adherence. Changes that are needed are already being implemented by this generation and the elderlies of the family are trying to accept the changes. To do away completely with the age old traditions of marriage would only make it harder for these people to change their mindset which is not possible when the roots are deep set.

3. Calling the marriages in India a way to show off well is not completely wrong but the fact that this show off has created business opportunities for many cannot be ignored. Marriage planners, caterers and decorators have a place of their own owing to the traditions of marriages. If we all adapt the civil marriage system, these people would lose their job. If people who can afford the luxuries of throwing up grand weddings are willing to do so, there is absolutely nothing wrong in it.

4. Children hear and see marriages of the conventional type with all luxuries and family gatherings. They grow up imagining their weddings to be something of that sort, not to forget the hopes of elderlies to see the same kind of joyous ambience at the weddings of their children. It is about what people have envisioned since forever and to do away with it will be an emotionally distressing experience for both the parents and those getting married.

5. Inter-religion or inter-caste marriages already have a long list of people not so amused by the idea. Priest or no priest, couple tying the knot already get to go through a lot of distress. There is no harm if the couple could rather have traditions of both the cultures followed simultaneously instead of doing away with the conventional ways completely.

Conclusion:

Self-respect marriages have some cons if considered from the point of view of our culture and traditions and the emotions of people attached to the same. However, there is nothing wrong in legalizing self-respect marriages for those who chose to do it that way. People should have the freedom to decide what kind of a marriage they want. It is a big happy day for the couple and the ways of doing it should be of their choice most definitely. Tamil Nadu has been following the system with no hindrance which is a hint to legalize it in the whole of our country.