Should extramarital affairs be acceptable?
Introduction:Balchandra Nemade, acclaimed Marathi novelist and Jnanpith Award winner, has said that extramarital affairs should be accepted and not treated as taboo. If reports are to be trusted, every day more and more married people get involved in affairs outside their marriages and most of them do not shy from admitting that they did find it necessary in their present scenario.
People fall in and out of love which can also happen after marriage. Marriage is not an insurance that either of the partners will not discover in a later stage of life that they could not get along well and need something more. Our society, however, bashes any such relation between a man and a woman outside marriage. Women mostly are subjected to hatred and malicious treatment if they are found to be in extra marital affair; men less likely to be blamed.
Yes:1. Emotional disconnect: Over time partners may become emotionally disconnected. In India where most marriages are arranged by parents, there is no emotional connection right from the start. Couple realize that they are not getting enough of what they expect emotionally from their partner and that’s when someone comes in and shares your views, gives importance to your dreams and aspirations, relates to your feelings, not to mention his good looks attract you like magnet – and you find yourself falling head over heels for that person.
2. Stress and frustrations : Family life takes the toll and one of the partner gets so engrossed in it that they begin to ignore the needs and feelings of their partner which leads to stress and frustration in the other partner. There are many other reasons for one of the partners to be depressed in their marriage. They could be having second thoughts about being stuck in a relationship that is not going anywhere as expected and there is no walking out of it for various reasons, children for instance. Falling for someone else becomes only easier in these circumstances.
3. Early marriages: Report confirms that people who got hitched early are most likely to get bored sooner and indulge in extramarital affairs, given a chance. When they reach the age of stability and understanding, they regret wasting the important years of life sans excitement of love affairs and that’s when they might realize they could still have it. The thrill of dating and romancing comes natural to most women and if they miss it, they are most likely to find it where they can.
4. Parenthood: While women are more committed to being mothers, the same cannot be said about men. They are more likely to expect babies in vague terms so when the real troubles come in, they are at a total loss of how to keep their life stable. The wife suddenly becomes more of a mother and ignores the husband for a good period of time. There comes responsibilities that are not always pleasant to handle. Unplanned pregnancy can lead to these problems which eventually results in both partners looking for someone else.
5. Lack of interest: You could have all the luxuries of life and yet not find peace within. While one of you could be brimming with life and excitement, the other might be at a total lack of it. Men usually find it easier to simply work harder, spend time with their friends and come home tired which leaves women with no option but to feel insatiate and lonely. If they find someone who is exciting, shares common interest with her, compliments her for her looks and ambition, she is bound to fall hard for him.
6. Financial glitches: There could be unstoppable bickering at home between the spouses for financial trouble like debt and/or liabilities. They may not agree upon mutual solutions and the stress could lead to one of them feeling less important or able in handling the matters. If, at that time, there comes someone who can share your grief and show you ways to come out of it, or even distract you from your woes, that is the person your mother should have warned you about.
No:1. The vows: You promised to be faithful, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. You can’t simply walk out of it and be unfaithful to someone you swore love to. There are problems in every relation but running for the hills is no solution at all; it is simply a distraction that you are using to keep your mind off something that might not be pleasant at the moment.
2. Ethically wrong: Whichever religion you swear by, cheating and having affairs outside your marriage is ethically wrong. Being a deceitful husband/wife gets you nowhere at a later stage in life. You are only left with a guilty conscience that keeps mocking and taunting you for what you did when you should have shown your loyalty towards your relationship.
3. There is something called divorce: If you are so sure that there is nothing else you could do to save your marriage or bring back the spark in it, why not think of divorce instead of enjoying both the platters and breaking the trust of someone with manipulative lies? Either work it out together or tell him/her that you don’t want to take it any further. The main reason why people would rather continue the marriage and the affair together is just for the fun of it. There is no advocating lies and dishonesty with excuses of being unhappy in marriage.
4. Sexual infidelity: What most people who indulge in extramarital affairs do not want to admit is that they fell for someone despite being in a marriage is because of their sexual infidelity. You were attracted to the guy at the departmental store because he gave you those lustful eyes that you desired and not because you suddenly had the feeling that he would share your grief. The girl at your office is your secret affairs not because she is more caring than your wife but because she has curves that your wife lost when she gave birth to your babies.
5. Dysfunctional family: Your extra marital affairs could cost you having a dysfunctional family, the cons of which your children will face and get affected from as they grow up watching the two of you fight and not have any respect for each other.
Conclusion:Extra marital affairs are wrong since they involve lying, manipulating, dishonesty, cheating, and giving your time and attention that you should be giving to your family to someone who has no right to get it from you. It is ethically incorrect and there is no advocating that.
But if the couple is in an open marriage and one or both of you have the consent from your partner to indulge in affairs, there is nothing wrong about it. If someone feels that they are not being emotionally or physically compatible and that there could be someone else who could take that place and are fine with it, that should make it completely acceptable for the society at well. Else, rather than playing around with someone’s emotions, the better thing is to call the marriage off and get into the relationship you desire.
