Weak can never forgive, forgiveness is the attribute of the strong!
Introduction:Vengeance brings plunder and distress to soul whereas forgiveness brings peace, both to others and you. In the present day world, when we are so easily frustrated to revenge and hit back at someone who could have done us wrong in any way, forgiveness doesn’t come easy.
When Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive; forgiveness is the attribute of the strong,” he meant it with his heart and soul but we talk of forgiveness only in vague terms. We don’t really want to forget, forgive and move on. We keep holding grudges, either to retaliate when the time is ripe or take it to grave with us. Are we really getting weaker and weaker if Mahatma Gandhi is to be believed?
It does take a bigger heart to forgive someone for his past mistakes and give him a chance to prove that he really is regretful and wants to make things better with you. It shouldn’t classify you as weak or strong but the fact remains that forgiving doesn’t come easy. The world will indeed be so much of a better place if people could learn to let go of grudges instead of letting go of the relationship they have with the person in question.
For:1. Being secure: An insecure person cannot forgive. Unless you are confident and secure in youself and position, you cannot have it in you to come forth and forgive someone. You have to be contended with the fact that the person does not have the strength over you to keep you stressed forever. Even if you are hurt, you have to understand that it is only temporary and in the long run it wouldn’t really matter to you. Whatever the person did to you shouldn’t have the power to keep you begrudged forever.
2. Focus on important things: You cannot focus your mind on anything else when you are carrying the anger of hurt and wanting revenge from someone. If you have other important things in life to concentrate on, it is best for you to forgive the person and shift your focus to thing that are more important for you. If you give the person that power over you to keep you from essential things in life, you are definitely not strong enough to prioritize your things.
3. Makes you a better person: Forgiving makes you not just a stronger person but a better person at heart. You feel lighter as if a burden has been raised off you. Your mind gets to have its much needed peace and this beings positivity in life. Brooding on negative thoughts of vengeance and rivalry brings negative vibes in life which is not something that could make you strong as a person. You have to realize that you do not want to get even with the person who has hurt you, not to fall low to his standards but to rise above him. This definitely takes strength.
4. Breaking the ice: If you hold on to past conflicts, you lose a friend or someone who was once close to you. Maybe your friend too would be waiting to talk to you but doesn’t have it in him to make the first move. To be the first one to initiate remaking a connection takes strength. If you are strong and confident, you can go forth and try to talk back to the person. Initiating conversation, hearing his views on what went wrong in the past and if he is willing to make up for it, putting forth your views will go ahead to make things better.
5. Hatred does no good: Holding anger and grudges is a poison. It east you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who annoyed us but it is in fact a curved blade and the harm we do, we do to ourselves. Hurting yourself for someone else’s mistake is definitely weakness. You are giving the person the power to affect you in the long run. If you are strong enough, you will be able to realize that it is not worth holding onto anger and hurting yourself with it. Life has so much more to offer. What you can’t change is past, your future lies in your hands to be shaped the way your actions choose to.
Against:1. Learning from mistake: If we keep forgiving people for the wrong they did to us, we give them the opportunity to repeat it with us or with anyone else. You cannot forgive and let go of a thief without teaching him a lesson or making him pay for his deeds. He will only get encouraged and try bigger crimes if you simply saw him one fine day and say, “It’s okay, I forgave you for it.” That will be like saying, “you’re welcome for another burglary session in my house.”
2. Intentions matter: Some mistakes get made unintentionally or because of negligence but there are others who do it knowingly to make other people suffer. There are psychopaths and sadists who derive pleasure in harming others. They should not and cannot be forgiven. Forgiving them would not make you any stronger but only an ignorant person. A girl cannot forgive someone who molested her in the past, even if that person happens to be a closely related man.
3. Don’t torture yourself but don’t live in denial too: You may want to come out of the tragic incident and that you must do but at the same time you cannot simply forgive the person and pretend that it never happened to you. It wasn’t your mistake so you should not dwell on it to give you nightmares but in order not to trust in those kind of people again, you need to stay reminded at the back of your mind that it is not worth relying on such kind of people. It is precautionary behavior and not weakness.
4. Not unless he is sorry and he means it: People play with your trust, use your good nature to plot their evil plans. These kind of people are not just few in number. If you act like a sheep, there will be thousands of lions to tread you down. Do not forgive the person and grant him access to your life unless you are sure that he is guilty and would not think of repeating the same mistake twice. Marriages that should have ended long back due to domestic violence continue to stay mended because the innocent wife was too forgiving every time he asked for a last chance. We all know it sometimes ends badly in tragic deaths and irreparable damage.
5. Your rights: He made a grave mistake and you had to deal with the consequences. When the turmoil is over and you begin to sort out your life, he comes back for forgiveness at your feet. You must know that it is your rights, whether you want to forgive him or not. Do not be bound by morals that teach you what to do for they were written in a certain context and yours could be a totally different one. If you are not free of the traumatic effect of the hurt, do not forgive him.
Conclusion:Yes, forgiveness makes your heart and soul free. You feel better when you forgive but it is also important to know if the person really deserves to be forgiven or not.
If someone hurts you forgive him for his deed as it will ultimately make you feel lighter but at the same time do not be naïve to let them misuse your goodness again.
Every unpleasant experience should give you a lesson in life and then you should move on!
